On a typical day, I’m working hard and enjoying life. I don’t wallow in misery or constantly wish for what could be. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have my days.
The day where I’m sobbing on the bathroom floor because I feel so isolated in my struggles. The day of hopelessness when I’m staring down at a scale after months of hard work to see the scales go up instead of down. The day where I’m hurting for a baby so much that it physically aches.
Usually that hurt is ignored or hidden because I’m too busy to pay attention. There are other things demanding my time. I’m also thankful for my struggles because of how they have caused me to grow, to know Christ more, and to appreciate the things that I am blessed with. I truly believe that, regardless of the future, God has been more than gracious to me. Beyond the ultimate gift of salvation, He has given me a loving husband and a great life. We’ve never missed a meal, we aren’t enduring chemo, we haven’t suffered abuse, and we don’t have to worry about religious persecution. I don’t deserve any of it and I’m going to choose to be thankful rather than bitter and anxious about what I can’t control. On top of all that, I’m refusing to throw in the towel. I still hope that God will bless me with those things that I hope for and I’m doing my best to be ready for it. Still, every now and again the hurt bubbles up with a setback or the sheer monotony of feeling eternally stuck.
When that happens, this song is my reminder of truth. Sometimes you just need to cry and feel the reality of your situation. I get that. It’s healthy and normal. But when you’re ready to climb out of your despair, listen to this song. For me, its prayer set to music. It gives me the words to say when I can’t form my own. When I say them, I remember the truth that I hold on to. And oh how I cry, but its tears of surrender and relief to find comfort and strength in the face of Christ. I can’t tell you how many raw, worshipful, tearful commutes I’ve driven while listening to this song.
When my hopes and dreams are far from me
and I’m runnin’ out of faith
I see the future I picture slowly fade away
and when the tears of pain and heartache
Are pouring down my face
I find my peace in Jesus’ name
In the eye of the storm You remain in control
And in the middle of the war You guard my soul
You alone are the anchor when my sails are torn
Your love surrounds me in the eye of the storm
The Lord is my Shepherd
I have all that I need
He lets me rest in green meadows
He leads me beside peaceful streams
He renews my strength
He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to His Name”
Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid
For You are close beside me
Whatever your struggles, hit repeat and hold on to these truths.
Remember that our struggles on earth are just for a time.
And know that you’re not alone.