It’s finally that time in our coffee date line-up to talk about one of my favorite things–it’s hard to decide on favorites, but if I had to pick this is definitely one. The past few weeks we’ve been talking about foundational things to consider such as the theme, venue, colors, & bridal party. But now it’s time to consider your dress. I’m positive that you don’t need to be reminded to pick one out, still it’s easy to get caught up in the details and forget to take some time for you.
One of the things that every girl dreams about in her wedding schemes, is the dress. I mean THE dress. It isn’t just any dress, it’s the ONE DAY ONLY dress that you’ll say “I do” in and model in your thousand dollar pictures. I don’t say that to intimidate you but these are the subconscious feelings that are ingrained in us ladies with the first Disney princess movie that we watch. It’s a lot of pressure. How will you ever find that one, perfect dress–especially within budget? Well first, take a breath and realize that even though it is your big, one day only, thousand dollar pictures, dress, it IS only one day of your life. An important one, but not your whole life. Don’t allow the stress to overwhelm you and steal your joy from this event–it isn’t worth it. Even if you don’t find your dress within your time frame, it will come. I promise.
I should know. In the beginning, I didn’t care about trying on several dresses, visiting various shops to find the “one.” I had my eye on a beautiful, vintage dress on Etsy with great reviews, only $250 including shipping that would be customized to my measurements. In my mind, that was checked off. I ordered it pretty quickly after engagement because I had my mind set on it, it fit my budget, and I knew it would take some time to ship from China.
Then the day came when it arrived. I opened the package with bated breath and carefully pulled it out. It truly was beautiful–a bit more elaborate and stark white than the picture originally revealed. But that was all right by me, I accepted that possibility when I agreed to purchase it from China for $200. As I slipped into it, it fit perfectly. It was a strapless, mermaid that showed off my curves without going overboard, with tiny details and beading sewn into the lace overlay. But there was one major problem. My Mom and best friend didn’t cry. You know, that moment when everyone sees you in your perfect dress and bawls at the realization that you are a bride, confirming that this is in fact, the perfect dress.
My heart sunk a little but I refused to let it sway my decision. This was the one that I had chose, it wasn’t in the budget for another, and it was after all, a beautiful dress. Then one day, a month or so later, I happened upon a wedding dress portrait from David’s Bridal. I had never really cared for DB because I felt like it was the Walmart of Weddings and all the dresses were relatively the same–typically NOT the vintage style that I wanted. But this dress, was vastly different. It was simple, not weighed down with heavy beading, but tastefully decorated with some unique touches here and there. Out of curiosity I clicked on the picture and much different from what I was expecting, as in $2,599, it was only $500. Granted, that was more than I was originally thinking but lower than my Mom had planned on overall. I closed the link and forgot about it, I already had my dress. But in the next few days, it lingered in my mind. So I showed it to my Mom and told her that this had caught my eye. Still I was determined to like the one I had. Now not every girl gets a second chance but my Mom graciously made an appointment for me and that dress. When I came out–she cried. When I tried it on for my bestie–she cried. It was so good to feel like a true bride.
I tell you all of that because I learned the hard way that it’s so important to try stuff on before you make a decision. I heard this advice before and disregarded it because I loved the dress I had originally chosen. But I ended up caring more than I thought and it just isn’t the same special experience if you just order instead of modeling some dresses for your Mom and besties–it doesn’t have to be Kleinfeld’s for it to be a great or memorable experience. It’s hopefully not something that you’ll be doing again, so make the most of it and have FUN!
I’m not saying don’t ever order online–again, I really did like the first dress and it was well-made. But before you do that, make an appointment and scope out your options.
It’s important to not set your mind on one thing until you’ve tried it on and bought it. Most ladies have their dress mentally picked out already but it leads to disappointment if it doesn’t look the same on you as the model or isn’t available anymore. Be open to the possibilities. But also take some picture ideas with you to the appointment and be sure to be specific about the things that you’re looking for like: ivory, lace, or simple.
It’s also good to consider who you take with you when you go. For me, it was a quick, on the fly trip, so it was just my Mom and sister. In a way that works best because you don’t have several opinions to consider. Ask the people that matter most, that care the most, and won’t try to push their opinions or live vicariously through you. Opinions are good. You should hear them out, but too many can make it a miserable experience because you can never please everyone perfectly. It’s life. Smaller head count–less opinions.
Some pro’s for David’s Bridal (and assuming, for similar stores–though I haven’t done any extended research) is that if you buy your dress at DB there are probably perks and discounts included. Such as $20 off each bridesmaid dress or a discount on MOB dress. Be aware of those helpful hints and do some research before you go.
In the end, pick a dress that you feel comfortable in, not purely based on budget or convenience. A dress that makes you feel like a real bride. You’ll know it when you see it.
Once the dress is decided, the hair is the next natural step. The decision often goes hand in hand. I originally wanted a strapless dress because I wanted my hair to be down and curled–the loose, natural look. So I based a lot of my initial searching & pinning on that.
If you’re working on lengthening your ends, here are some tips for growing it out ASAP.
- Have it trimmed often. Getting rid of the dead ends regularly will greatly lengthen your hair because it’s healthier. It may seem counter-productive, but that’s the biggest mistake that people make. I had a friend that is a fantastic hairstylist and this was her greatest piece of advice to me as I was growing out my bob.
- Keep it healthy! If you style it often, make sure to compensate with quality S/C and protective serums and moisturizers. I splurged and bought the “Sexy Hair” products at Ross or Marshalls for a 1/3 of their normal price.
- Try out Coconut Oil–there’s a lot of benefits for your hair in doing treatments with this stuff, here’s a link to get you started.
- Avoid the temptation. You may get desperate and try the “grow it faster” routine with prenatal vitamins. But there are lots of red flags in doing so! In pregnancy your body requires greater levels of iron, folic acid, and calcium, but not when you’re not pregnant or trying. This could mess with your delicate hormone balance. Instead try out Vitamin A, C, E, or Biotin. It won’t give you 6 inches in a month but it will strengthen your hair and help it to grow in the process.
As for salon vs. DIY. That’s up to you and your experience or comfort ability. Most of my friends are great at doing hair, theirs and others. I didn’t want my bridesmaids to be responsible for that, so I asked a good friend if she would be willing to help out that morning. We did a test run on my hair two weeks before to make sure we were on the same page. This also allowed her to duplicate the same style fairly quickly the morning of. Then she was available to help the rest of my girls with their hair if they wished.
Since I told my girls to do whatever they wanted with their hair, it wasn’t as though I were requiring them to do a complicated up-do on their own. So having an extra hand or friends to help was all that I really needed for them. If you do want it to be a certain style, I would probably recommend going somewhere or hiring a few friends to help out. Going to a salon, though expensive, does have it’s advantages–it could count as a gift to the girls and it also makes you feel pampered on your big day.
The veil is not as common these days. In fact, I often prefer a dress without. You have more options: half-up, completely up with flowers, all down with a tiara or flower crown–you name it, somebody has done it and it’s on Pinterest. However, in my experience you shouldn’t knock the veil just because it’s traditional. My friend used to work at DB, and she informed me that whenever a girl puts on a veil, something magical happens and there isn’t a dry eye left in the house. It’s the traditional wedding symbol of a bride–transforming a pretty prom dress into a wedding dress. I was set against a veil but the assistant put one on and my Mom cried even more. Then I cried. What she had said was true: I looked in the mirror and I was the bride.
That decision had a domino effect. I then decided to have my hair completely up in a loose updo so that I could show off the gorgeous, intricate back of my dress and fit the veil. I will say to be careful about where you buy your veil or other accessories. When visiting a store like David’s, it’s easy to accept the accessories that they match with your dress once you’re high on finding “the one.” Unless you’ve counted that in to your cost, veils are very expensive. Like hundreds of dollars expensive. I had one friend that made their own and another that got theirs off of Amazon or Etsy–something like that. Know that David’s Bridal does not do returns, so if you later kick yourself for your extended purchases, you’re going to have to bite the bullet.
Moral of the story: be careful about what you buy on your first visit. Know that there are other, cheaper options out there and you can always come back for those pieces later.
I can’t tell you what to do but my advice, pick a hairstyle that you’ll rarely get the chance to do. I’m not a “spend time in front of the mirror” type of person, so it was nice to be pampered and have my hair twisted and braided in ways that it normally isn’t. I’m still a huge fan of the simplistic style however, so if it suits your personality, place a few favorite flowers in your tresses and go.
If you haven’t caught my thought yet, this is all about you and your personality–the dress, the hair, the wedding as a whole will showcase your personality as well as your husbands–who you are as a couple. Go crazy! Don’t let other opinions stop you from doing what you truly love.
Ok, so we’ve got your foundational layers: the dress, the hair. But now we have the accessories. They are the icing on the cake. It is oh-so-fun to peruse sparkly jewelry and lacy garters. The style of each is purely preference. It’s hard to go wrong with your choices.
The accessories are also a perfect opportunity in the budget to go cheap without looking cheap.
Let me explain.
With jewelry, there’s CZ, feux pearls, even colored beads–they all look nice and include a nice price. Unless this is something that you’ve really wanted to splurge because you never will again, or someone, like Dad or your fiance, gives you some pieces as a gift–I highly recommend checking out stores like JC Penney for some affordable jewels.
I was originally going to go with a huge bunch of pearls to complement the strapless dress–I could get away with something more elaborate and not worry about it competing with the dress lines. But with the second dress featuring a V-shape neckline, I had minimal space to work with to avoid overwhelming the dress. And due to the simple & elegant style I wanted to stick with a simple statement piece. So I chose the necklace that Andrew gave me two years prior when he told me that he loved me for the first time. I knew that out of all the jewelry in the world, it would mean something to him that I picked his. I took my rings and necklace to my friend who worked at Zales to get them cleaned–they were so sparkly and looking just like new for the wedding.
My earrings were from Target, bought to match my necklace and showcasing my favorite–pearls! I think they cost $5 and they were exactly what I wanted.
The garter can be a great, easy DIY for you or someone willing. That way you can pick your colors, lace, type of flowers, etc. If you’re busy with other things, Etsy is great spot for finding cute, customized garters. I actually didn’t bother to buy one because I wasn’t doing a garter toss at the reception. However, the night before the wedding one of my bridesmaids found out that I didn’t have one. She immediately scrounged up my scrap fabric and needles, insisting that “I had to have one.” I’m so glad that she did, because not only was it a beautiful gift, but now I have a keepsake that was made by a dear friend. I think of that every time that I see it.
As for the shoes, I wanted to go with the casual, summer wedding theme and chose mint sandals from Charlotte Russe. They were cheap and cute. Not my favorite pair–I preferred the $70 designer ones but my budget didn’t. In the end, I knew that I would kick myself for spending that extra $60 on sandals and I knew that people wouldn’t necessarily be looking at my feet. There are a lot of great designer shoes or knock-offs out there at stores such as: DSW, Marshalls, Ross, and even Payless. You’d have to be pretty picky to not find a shoe that you liked at one of those locations. Also, I’ve always loved the quirky trend of wearing your favorite pair of Toms or Chucks. It’s a great spot to show your personality without going over budget.
One splurge that I was bent on having: a cute robe. I wanted to wear it while getting ready to look cute in pictures–then you have it for the honeymoon as well. I purchased mine on Etsy. But if you’re daring and running out of DIY’s, it’s not hard to find some easy patterns for sewing your own.
When it comes to make-up, things are a bit more simple. You can stick with your normal routine or experiment, but either way, make sure to give it a test run before the big day.
Buy lipstick that actually “sticks” and won’t leave marks on your man after the big smooch. I used Maybelline’s SuperStay Lip Stain per advice of a newly married friend. It stayed on all day without being gloppy because it temporarily stains your lips instead of coating them. I highly recommend it!
Avoid “cakey” foundation–most youthful faces do not even need this stuff. Try using just concealer for any random blemishes and some matte powder to nix the oil. Maybe even toss in a blush or toner.
Treat yourself and invest in GOOD eyeshadow, stuff that doesn’t crease or melt off (if it makes you feel better, the expensive stuff lasts forever). My favorite is Urban Decay. I’m not going to lie, it’s expensive. But over a year later I haven’t even worked through half of my $50 tin and I wear it almost every day–it’s paid off. Plus, it’s ok to not skimp on everything and treat yourself to some special items that you wouldn’t normally splurge on.
Find good, reliable mascara–stuff that won’t crumble into your eye at inconvenient times or make you look like Yzma in the Emperor’s New Groove. It’s good to buy it new just in time for the wedding, the older stuff tends to get thicker and crumblier. A lot of friends swear by all things Loreal, but my all-time favorite mascara is Milk which can be found at Ulta or Sephora. It’s double the cost of your standard Loreal but it’s so worth it! It lasts longer, accomplishes exactly what I want, and I don’t have to worry about it crumbling or clumping.
Educate yourself on ways to apply make-up if you haven’t already and find a good facial routine to follow. There are lots of healthy, natural, easy ideas out there–check out my Pinterest board for some great links.
Tanning, isn’t the healthiest but it’s a personal vice, I love it. If you choose to tan, it’s really unhealthy when you sizzle yourself into a lobster red and go all the time. Make sure to keep your skin moisturized and don’t rush the process–a little extra Vitamin C never hurts. There is also the option of applying self-tanning lotion. It may not provide the awesome, deep tan that you’re hoping for but will give you a nice, healthy glow instead. You can also opt for a spray tan, effective but only lasts for a short period.
It’s a great time to whiten your teeth for those upcoming photos. I received a coupon on Crest Whitening Strips through Target during gift registration for a bride and groom set of whitening strips. Add in the mail-in $10 rebate on the box and I spent under half the price for the really good stuff. More recently, I’ve come to love Carbon Coco. I like that I don’t have to sit for a half hour with strips moving around on my teeth and I feel like it works even better! The charcoal can get into all of the crevices & it’s easy to apply–just like brushing your teeth. Plus, it’s better for sensitive teeth. I know it sounds fishy & extremely organic but I personally use this stuff, have had great results, and love it.
I consider this an important part of the bridal regimen and I think you’ll agree. No bride wants or plans to be “bridezilla.” But if you stress yourself out enough, you’ll eventually drive yourself crazy and you start to care a lot less about how you act. The best way to prevent this is to regularly take time away from the planning and do normal, fun things. At the time of that decision, you’ll feel like you’re shooting yourself in the foot because of the voice in your head that says, “if you don’t keep planning now it won’t all get done in time!” But trust me, you’ll be able to be more productive with a clear head, all good things are accomplished in the end, not all things are worth accomplishing over your sanity, and you’ll do yourself a favor by not pushing your limits all the time.
Know when to work hard and when to relax, both are priorities.
It’s a good practice to keep yourself sane and not drive your friends and family crazy. I’m sure they want to spend some time with just you and not your special notebook. Especially if you’re moving away after the nuptials, make memories with the people you won’t see that often afterwards.
Also, take some time to be alone. Put on the yoga pants, whip out the popcorn, and watch a chick flick. Soak your feet in epsom salts, spend some extra time with God, OR just lay there and do nothing. It really can be appealing (especially as you get older and tote more responsibilities) and that’s coming from a socialite who loves being around people.
Whatever you do to get some relief from your stress–do it and often! It’s good to care about your plans but you don’t have to devote your life to putting on a good wedding–it’s not about that anyway. If you don’t, you risk the chance of being worn thin by the time your wedding rolls around and that defeats the purpose.
On this note, let me deviate from our topic for a moment and just share a bit of advice born from my personal experience as a stressed-out, hands-on, DIY planning bride:
Our culture stresses the need to throw a
great perfect wedding, to be the best, and impress your guests. Reality check, it’s not about that at all. This is something I struggle with especially hard. I’m a perfectionist, I will not sleep until something is done right! It’s not wrong to work hard for something but it’s not so great when you get completely wrapped up in the details of one day and forget about what comes after that day passes. You are getting married to your best friend, making a selfless commitment, a promise to each other for the rest of your lives. Now THAT is a big deal. You should care more about preparing for the marriage after the wedding. Otherwise, let me just say out of love, friend to friend, that you’re doing yourself a disservice. Being too wrapped up in one day isn’t worth it, care more about what’s left after that day passes.
With that said, engagement can be one of the greatest times of your life, enjoy it!
Next week, we’ll talk about “the suit,” AKA your man. And if you’re like me, you’ll love talking about him!